


Hallowed is the War...

by lunarstar13



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: DGM Hallow Countdown, Emotions, Friendship, Goodbyes, Siblings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-29
Updated: 2016-12-08
Packaged: 2018-07-18 22:50:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7333858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunarstar13/pseuds/lunarstar13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of stories for the DGM Hallow Countdown on tumblr. The standalone chapters visit themes of goodbyes, faith, love, emotions, tribulations, famines, and many other prompts. Contains multiple characters and situations. Spoilers if you’re not up to date with the manga. Chapter 6 is posted. It looks at Kanda and his emotions surrounding his promotion to general.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Can Fool the Heart, But Not Innocence

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own D.Gray-man and author notes are at the bottom. Prompts from the countdown are Innocence and Deception.

_Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless_

_garden when the flowers are dead. – Oscar Wilde_

 

            It was well past midnight and silver light shone in lazily through the windows of the orders infirmary. Bathing everything in its gentle caress.

 

            Lavi took in the sight with his one eye and listened to the nurses care for patients in the next room over. There were plenty of wounded after the level four attack and the wounded exorcists had been separated from the other members of the order. From there they had placed the younger exorcists away from the generals and Bookman.

 

            Kanda had long since left the infirmary and with him Lavi’s only source of amusement. Miranda was no fun to tease and Marie was almost impossible to get a rise out of. This was also on top of the fact that the two were soundly sleeping.

 

            Lenalee was fast asleep, surrounded by a mountain of pillows and paper work that Komui had ferreted in. Lavi watched as she snuggled deeper into the pillow that she had curled against and settled back into quite sleep.

 

            Lavi sighed and wished again that the nurse would let him wear his bandanna and that everyone wasn’t asleep. The memories of the past few weeks wouldn’t leave him alone. They demanded his attention and he wasn’t sure that he wanted to face them. Instead, he was lying awake, unable to sleep, trying desperately to stay away from those thoughts.

 

            It was surprisingly difficult to do when some his thoughts and questions were connected to his fellow exorcists. The hardest to ignore were the ones connected to Allen.

 

            The white haired boy was sleeping fitfully; cheeks flushed rosy with fever and breath ragged in his chest. A day had passed since the level four attack and with the order now calm, it had become clear how much was lost and the price they had to pay to survive the attack. Of all the exorcists Allen had paid the highest price to stop the attack, pushing himself beyond what anyone thought him capable of, except, maybe his master, General Cross. He was paying the price for it, all layered over a series of pushes that had driven him to where he was at now.

 

            The nurses and doctors had assured them that Allen would heal and be fine. That he had already healed more than they thought he would in a day and that he had just pushed himself too far. Their assurances were a little hard to take when the boy looked so broken and battered. It was even harder to take when the only sound in the room was soft snoring and the sound of the boy’s heart monitor, beeping steadily but with an odd rhythm.

 

            When asked about it, Komui had explained, that it was because of the shard of innocence filling in the hole in his heart.

 

            ‘It was odd,’ Lavi thought, ‘That in the whole history of the war only two pieces of innocence had ever saved their accommodators. What made them so special?’ The thought of no answers made him look away from Allen’s sleeping form. It made him uncomfortable, there were too many unknowns about his innocence and its goals. It appeared, in its own way, to have a will of its own.

 

            If Lavi had questions concerning innocence before the last few weeks, the number of questions and concerns had double by this point. They left him feeling uncertain towards his own innocence, especially after Suman’s fall.

 

            According to the Order, Suman, had turned in his fellow exorcists and his innocence condemned him for his betrayal against it and God. ‘Allen had said that the poor man had just wanted to return to his family,’ Lavi remembered. ‘The innocence had used his own soul to feed its rampage and to end the man’s life.’

 

            Lavi turned to look at the stack of papers Komui had surrounding Lenalee’s bed. Both Komui and Lenalee had mentioned other fallen ones. People destroyed by the order, non-accommodators eaten alive by innocence during forced synchronizations. The thought alone made him shiver. It had been pure luck that he was an accommodator for innocence.

 

            He couldn’t imagine being consumed by his own innocence and the pain it would inflict. He’d been burned once out of his own foolishness to escape Road and he would forever have the burn scars to prove it.

 

            Up until recently it was thought that only non-accommodators, forced to synchronize, could fall. In the end, not even the cherished accommodators were free from betraying God’s will and that worried Lavi.

 

            He wasn’t even sure what that will was. He had no clue what drove the innocence, what commanded it, and why it acted the way it did. Lavi wasn’t even sure why innocence had chosen him as an accommodator. He didn’t believe in God, not with the sights he had seen. Even now he didn’t believe, regardless of his standing as an accommodator.

 

            If innocence was really a gift from God, why would innocence choose and accommodator that didn’t believe in faith? That was probably the smallest problem he had with innocence.

 

            Lavi was a bookman. They existed to record the secrets of history. They had no need for friends or relationships. To a bookman, everyone was ink on pages, just another footnote in history lost to the depths of time. Every second that he spent with the order was an act of deception. They were only working with the Order to record a war that would disappear into obscurity, forgotten by the world it ravaged.

 

            Lavi shifted uncomfortably on the bed. The night and relative quite was stifling. He didn’t want to be there anymore, stuck between Allen’s broken form and the overflowing love that Komui exuded from Lenalee’s bed. He flinched when Allen shifted in his fevered sleep and started to pick at the fuzz on his sheets. ‘Actually,’ he thought, ‘The night wasn’t even stifling because of them. After Road, after everything, he wasn’t even sure who he was anymore.’

 

            Was he even still deceiving the Order? He wasn’t even sure. The lines between him, as a bookman, and the people at the order had blurred. He cared too much he realized. Even now he still had Allen’s bloody playing card hidden in his room. If Bookman found out he’d pull them from this job. Lavi wasn’t sure if he could handle that. Road had drove her way into his mind and shipped away at every crack in his mind. In the end she had gouged canyons between Lavi, the 49th persona of a bookman, and Lavi the exorcist. The distance was just close enough to allow him to see the other side, but too far for him to tell the differences between the sides to determine which one he was on.

 

            He thought he might be on the exorcists’ side but he didn’t know. He hadn’t fallen yet, so maybe that might be a point towards the exorcists. But he couldn’t tell how far his deception ran with the innocence. If he was truly deceiving the innocence like he thought, then he should have fallen. He was sure the innocence wouldn’t tolerate such an act, not with the way it had struck Suman down for wanting to return to his family over winning the war and the non-accommodators that just wanted to help. What did they harbor in their hearts to require being smote down by innocence? ‘Surely,’ he thought, ‘it couldn’t be worse than deceiving innocence with a fake heart.’

 

            “I am a bookman,” Lavi mumbled into the night, “we have no need for a heart…or for friends.” He rolled on his side, pulling his limbs in as close as his injuries would allow. “We record secret history. We are not participants in events.”

 

            His new position left him staring at Allen’s sleeping form. To try and corral his thoughts he counted Allen’s ragged breaths, splitting them by minutes. The count helped settle his thoughts but it didn’t do anything to get rid of them.

 

            A nurse opening the door to their room broke him out of his count. As the nurse moved around the room checking the rest of the exorcists Lavi slowed his breathing and closed his eyes. When the nurse finally came around to his bedside he appeared fast asleep, but his thoughts raced. Road had opened up too many doors for the matter to settle.

 

            Each innocence seemed to have its own will and personality. It chose accommodators for reasons unknown to humans, but for reasons known only to the innocence. At points innocence was remarkably similar to their accommodators.

 

            ‘Like Allen.’ Lavi thought listening to the nurse gently woke the fevered boy up to drink water and medicine. ‘Both Allen’s love for the tortured souls trapped in akuma and for humans was mirrored in his innocence. He couldn’t harm humans with his sword but could bring salvation to tortured souls.’

 

            As the nurse fussed over Allen who was quickly falling back to sleep exhausted, Lavi realized that while Road had been wrong to invade and drive open his mind and to cleave his soul, she hadn’t been wrong. He wasn’t much of a bookman anymore. His 49th persona was too real, too much a part of him.

 

            Lavi had chronicled many wars but he had never been a participant until now. It was too hard to keep his exorcist and bookman duties separate everything was too convoluted. But now, the murky waters that cut a chasm in his hidden heart were finally clearing and the path was becoming clear.

 

            His, innocence had chosen him for a reason. His and even Bookman’s deception had been a worthless charade in front of the innocence. It had known all along what had lain hidden and secreted away in their non-existent hearts.

 

            ‘Maybe,’ Lavi thought as his thoughts started to calm and his injuries and the late hour started to drag him into sleep. ‘Hammer knows me better than myself and that when shown the opportunity innocence presented he had wanted innocence not to record history, but because he had thought humanity foolish and had deep down, desperately wished to save it.


	2. Blood Isn't Always Thicker Than Water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own D.Gray-man. The prompts fro this story from the DGM Hallow Countdown were Noah Clan and beliefs. Enjoy sorry its late.

_Belief in a cruel God makes a cruel man. – Thomas Paine_

 

The wheat blazed golden in the sunset and shadows deepened into black pits in the fading light as her dream door opened in the field. The swaying stalks gave the mansion an ethereal aura, like the mansion was separate from the normal flow of time. Even now, as she stumbled out into the field, the mansion looked the same as it did thirty-five years ago. Immaculate and cared for; standing tall above its swaying guardians.

 

Road sighed when she saw that there was a light on in one of the windows. Generally, she stayed well away from here, scared of bringing destruction to this peaceful place, but when she did come she was always scared the mansion would be cold, dark, and silent.

 

The door to the mansion wasn’t far but it felt like the door was miles away. Taking that attack from Apocryphos had been foolish. But at the time, it had been the only thing she could give Allen. Almost like a parting gift as Neah and his innocence ate away at his soul.

 

Road was weak, almost as weak as when Neah had spared her from his deadly rampage. Hate for innocence bubbled up through her from her Noah genes, but her hate for Apocryphos was entirely her own. That wayward piece of innocence ruined plans and destroyed lives. She hated it and its lie of protecting the heart.

 

‘The exorcists and Neah aren’t a threat to the heart,’ she thought angrily leaning against the mansions grand door. ‘Only person who is a threat is Apocryphos stirring up all kinds of trouble.’ She took a minute to rest against the door before rapping loudly several times.

 

The mansions door swung open slowly, revealing Katerina’s cautious face. Her face brightened at the initial sight of Road but frowned when she saw the state the women was in. “Road!’, she exclaimed opening the door to catch the collapsing Noah of dreams. “What happened to you?”

 

“Apocryphos is on the move again,” Road told Katerina, “He didn’t follow me…no one did.”

 

At Road’s assurance Katerina turned her attention away from the wheat field and focused on the wounded Noah. “Why…never mind Road. Let’s get you in the house.”

 

“Thank you,” Road said. She hadn’t felt this exhausted in decades nor had her rate of healing been so slow. “I’m sorry for bothering you. It was the first place I thought to go where I was safe.”

 

“Oh Road,” Katerina breathed bringing the women into the house. “You are always welcome here. I’ve told you this before.”

 

“I know…” Road began but was cut off by an exclamation from Katerina.

 

“Don’t tell me that you know. If you knew you’d visit me more often, all of you.” Katerina helped the girl down a hallway in the mansion. “Instead of showing up on my doorstep injured.”

 

“All of us?” Road whispered as Katerina helped her down the hall.

 

“Yes, all of you. Including that insufferable Cross.”

 

Road stumbled at the mention of Cross and Katerina heaved her into a better position as they entered a bedroom. “Cross” Road whispered as her vision swam.

 

“He’s not going anywhere, Road. You can visit him when you’re healed.” Road nodded her head and tried desperately not to fall asleep. She was exhausted.

 

“Go to sleep, Road. You’re safe here,” Katerina told her lowering her to the bed. “I’ll take care of you.”

 

Exhausted, Road was struck by how motherly Katerina was and that she had aged quite a bit in the years that she had known her. Road vaguely thought she heard singing as she fell asleep.

 

The next time Road woke the room was dark and a low fire flickered in the fireplace. She felt better then when she had arrived at the Campbell Mansion but not everything had healed. Her dream powers barely flickered at the back of her mind. Even though she had healed some, exhaustion still clawed through her mind and body. Apocryphos had done more damage than she had initially thought.

 

When she woke next it was to Katerina delivering her food. She felt much better than the first time that she had awoken, her powers returning to her.

 

“I’m glad to see you awake, Road.”

 

“How long was I asleep for?” Road asked sitting up.

 

“About a day. You look much better.” Katerina said setting the food out on a tray in front of Road. “I know they aren’t really your style but here are some clothes for you to change into later.”

 

Road listened to Katerina fuss about the room as she ate her food. She faintly remembered Katerina mentioning something about Cross the evening that she arrived but she wasn’t sure.

 

“Katerina,” Road asked, setting aside the empty tray. “When I got here did you mention Cross and do you have anything sweet?”

 

“Nothing sweet until you’re healed, Road.” Katerina said putting down the pillow she was fluffing up. “And I did say that Cross was here.”

 

“I thought Cross didn’t like this place.”

  
“It’s not like he chose to be here, Road. Maria brought him.” Katerina looked away to stare at the swaying stalks from the window. “Why did he do that to her? Why couldn’t he leave her in peace, Road?”

 

“I don’t know,” Road whispered. Even Maria was disturbing to her, different from the akuma in a way that she couldn’t explain. “Maria brought him?”

 

“Whatever is left of her soul,” Katerina shivered, “Brought him here. Left him bleeding to death from a head wound on my doorstep. It scared the life out of me, Road.” She turned to face the Noah. “There was so much blood, Road. I’m not even sure how he survived.”

 

“Do you know what happened?”

 

“No. He hasn’t woken up yet. I just know that he showed up on my doorstep with what appears to be a gunshot wound to the side of his head.”

 

“Katerina,” Road said. Even though she was confused a plan was already forming in her mind. “I think I can find out what happened.”

  
“You can?”

 

“With my powers.” Road replied. She had always wanted to dive into Cross’ dreams but had never got the chance.

 

“Good. I want to know who did that. Cross deserved a lot of things, but never that.”

 

“I can do it now.” Road said attempting to leave the bed but was intercepted by Katerina.

 

“Oh no you don’t, Road.” Katerina reprimanded, “Not until I’m sure that you are healed. Cross was here yesterday and he’ll still be here tomorrow.”

 

After she had secured Road back in bed she brought up a chair to sit next to the bed. “Tell me what you know about what Cross has been up to since I last saw him.”

 

Road didn’t know where to start. She was sure Cross had been up to a lot but she wasn’t privy to all of it. So she started with the only point that connected them.

 

“He took an apprentice,” Road finally told her. “A boy with a parasitic innocence. His name is Allen.”

 

“Really? I couldn’t imagine that man being a good mentor to a child. How old is the boy?”

  
Road laughed at her comment. “I think that’s what everyone thought, but I think he did a good job.”

 

Road didn’t want to tell her about her connections to Allen. ‘But,’ she thought. ‘It would be better for her to find out now rather than later.’

 

“He’s sixteen,” Road said meeting Katerina’s eyes. “And he’s your grandson.” Katerina inhaled sharply and Road continued, “Mana adopted him and Cross took him in when he died.”

 

Whatever Road was going to say was cut off by Katerina’s exclamation. “I have a grandson! Please tell me about him, Road.”

 

Road was at a loss. As much as her Noah instincts screamed to crush the older woman’s hopes with the truth; Road couldn’t do it. She couldn’t tell her that the grandson she was so happy about was being hunted by his friends and destroyed by innocence and the memory of her son. In the end, she didn’t. She faked being sleepy and that she would tell her another day and watched Katerina’s retreating back with a sick feeling in her stomach. The feeling faded away when she finally fell asleep.

 

The next day Road avoided Katerina’s questions by telling her that she was going to look at Cross. The women looked disappointed but led her to Cross’ room.

 

As they approached the room Road was almost certain that she heard singing. That confused Road. Cross was unconscious and Maria was just a puppet. But sure enough, Road almost dropped her lollipop when she opened the door to see Maria singing softly to the sleeping general. As soon as Road and Katerina made their presence known she fell silent, continuing her sightless vigil.

 

Road sucked on her lollipop for several moments and stared at the now silent Maria while Katerina fussed over the general. ‘That was it,’ Road thought. With her powers she could detect the barest hint of a soul still clinging to Maria’s body. After all, even souls, still held the dreams of man trapped within them. ‘That must be what saved him.’

 

Turning her thoughts away from the silent innocence she approached Cross’ bed. In all the years that she had known him he looked like he never aged. ‘Must be magic,’ she thought, ‘Or a curse.’

 

She had told Katerina that she could help Cross with her powers, but she wasn’t sure. The Earl had plans to find the heart and to destroy all innocence. The Noah within her desperately wanted to go with this plan. She had been a Noah for too long to fall prey to its primal urges anymore, but it was grating to ignore for long periods of time.

 

Waking Cross up could be detrimental to the Earl’s plans. Cross had a nasty habit of interfering and an equally dirty trick of being able to get away with it. If she woke him up, she would for all purposes be a traitorous Noah again. She wasn’t sure that she could get away with betraying the Earl again.

 

But going against the Earl and helping the red head would help Neah. Road had helped him thirty-five years ago and she supposed that she should follow through with her promise to help him end the war. The problem was that she wasn’t sure that Neah had the same goal as he did thirty-five years ago. Back then he had truly believed in helping end the war and saving Mana. Now she thought that he was fueled by revenge for failing and she wasn’t sure she could forgive him for erasing Allen.

 

‘In the end both the Earl and Neah truly believed in what they wanted. Underneath all of the pain,’ she thought, ‘Neah’s beliefs still might be the same. Peace with humans with both innocence and dark matter gone.’ At the time, and even now, she was deeply tired of losing family and friends to both. She was the only one left who remembered it all.

 

‘He might even return Allen.’ She thought.

 

“Katerina,” she said setting aside her lollipop. “I’m going to use my powers. It may take awhile.”

 

After Katerina nodded her acceptance Road sat in another chair by the bed and released her power.

 

Cross’ mind was a tumultuous mess, thrown into chaos from his own memories and her intrusion. She was going to have to wade through his memories to find his sub-conscious self.

 

There were many memories at the fore front of his mind and surprisingly many features Allen. There were memories of eleven year old Allen hiding behind Cross’ legs and Cross guiding him through crowded streets. On memory had Cross showing him that monsters didn’t hide in shadows and teaching Allen how to cook.

 

There was another memory of him teaching Allen math and a very prominent one of teaching Allen how to tie a ribbon into a bow, of a tentative smile, and of a small Allen curled up next to him sleeping in a snowy Russian town.

 

All of the memories that mattered to him in the state he was in were of Allen. Emotions from the memories such as anger, sadness, pride and love were overwhelming and at the same time reaffirmed her belief that her decision to betray the Earl was right.

 

With so many prominent memories present she figured that Cross’s subconscious must be nearby. She found him in front of another memory of Allen and him together. She patiently waited for the memory to end and Cross to acknowledge her.

 

“Road,” was all he said in greeting and continues, “Why are you here?”

 

Instead of asking about how he got injured or any of the other questions that she had intended to ask; she blurted out, “Do you still believe in the third side of the war?”

 

A newer memory of him telling Allen about the 14th Noah started and ended and he remained silent. He remained silent through one of him caring for an ill Allen and one of him rescuing him from thugs. H remained silent through several more before he finally spoke.

 

“I did, once. But I don’t think I can make the sacrifice.” He said turning to watch a memory of him telling Anita that he was rather fond of the brat and moved on to watch another memory of Allen grinning in delight at Timcanpy. “He’s probably gone by now.” He mumbled, “Stupid brat.”

 

“If he’s still there,” Road said drawing the red heads attention. “You have a deep enough connection for me to link your dream into his for a minute.” She hadn’t really meant to say that but it was too late to take it back now.

 

“Do it.” He said striding towards her and so she did. She connected Allen’s fraying dream world to Cross’ and plunged them into it.

 

She stayed hidden as Cross tried to ease the boy into giving up the fight and then build a raging fire in the boy to keep fighting and walking forward. His directions for the boy to find the house were helpful to the plan that she was forming.

 

‘Maybe it was for nothing,’ she thought when she couldn’t reconnect to Allen’s dream world again; but she was sure that Allen would keep fighting for now.

 

“I’ll wake you up when the time is right, Cross.” She told him as she exited his mind. She almost missed his quiet, “Thank you, “ as she left.

 

She could see it now she realized as she exited his mind that Allen was remarkably like Cross in many ways. ‘Family isn’t always blood,’ she thought, ‘And their beliefs were not always shared by every member.’

 

Road believed that she could save humanity and Allen, along with Cross and Neah. The ties that bound her to the Noah clan and their beliefs only held her down and stopped her if she let them. She was ready for the third side to win this war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone. Sorry this chapter is late. The rest of the chapters for the count down will probably be late as well but they will be uploaded. I’m glad that everyone enjoyed my first chapter and the direction I went with it. I felt like it was an under loved topic in the fandom.
> 
> I hope everyone like the chapter for day two. It’s really based off a personal head cannon I have that Road some how allowed Cross to appear in Allen’s dream in the last chapter. That and Hoshino has said in interviews that Cross really does like Allen and its interesting to explore their dynamics because it couldn’t have possibly been all bad. I also tried to explore Roads connect to Cross a little more and to expand somewhat on Maria. Enjoy until the next chapter, which will be a lot more humorous.


	3. Why You Shouldn't Share.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own D.Gray-man. The prompt for this story was famine. Please enjoy.

**_Why You Shouldn’t Share…_ **

_Hunger knows no friend but its feeder. – Aristophanes_

There were several things the order was always lacking. Such as exorcists, manpower, and sanity. In all of the years it had been around it had never lacked food. At least, that was until a robot-building maniac joined the order to care for his sister.

It was a normal day and everyone was unprepared for what was about to happen.

“Hi Allen.” Lenalee said sitting next to the male and his massive pile of dished. “How’s your lunch.”

“Oh, hi Lenalee, “ Allen said turning to face her. “My lunch was good I’m almost finished.” He placed another bowl on a precariously tilting pile and returned to eating.

Lenalee knew that he would talk more when he was done eating.

“How has your day been Lenalee? He asked setting aside his last dish turning to face her.

“Oh it’s been okay, she said eating another bite of her food. “Were you hungry today” She eyed his larger then normal pile of plates.

“Yeah…” Allen said sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck and smiling at her. “What’s that you’re eating? It smells good.”

Lenalee laughed, “All food smells good to you” Allen grinned sheepishly again as she continued, “It’s a Chinese food dish.”

“I’ve never had that before.” Allen replied after she explained the dish to him,

She almost laughed again as the white haired boy longed after her plate of food but it would have been cruel to laugh at the hungry boy. “Would you like to try a bite?”

Allen’s eyes grew wide and a happy grin spread across his face. “Oh, but I don’t have any clean silverware, “ he said losing his happy look.

“That doesn’t matter. I’ll just give you a bite off my fork.”

The two had been ignored in the cafeteria up until Lenalee gave Allen a bite of food. Allen’s face contorted into a look of pure at the savory morsel of food.

“Do you like it?” Lenalee asked.

Whatever Allen was about to say was cut off by a scientist screaming, “What have you done?”

The two turned in confusion to watch the scientist and several others bolt from the room.

“Which of you octopuses touched my darling Lenalee!” Komui showed bursting through a wall on top of his newest Komurin.

Every person in the cafeteria pointed to Allen.

“What? I didn’t do anything to Lenalee,” he exclaimed.

“Brother, Allen’s right.”

“Why did my sister senses go off then?” As he shouted a swinging arm from his Komurin destroyed several tables. A couple of finders dove out of the robots path.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, brother. All I did was given Allen a bite of my food.”

“You what? Komui screeched and Komurin broke more tables, a swath of destruction in its wake as it bore down on Allen. “How dare you share an indirect kiss with my pure innocent sister!”

Allen dodged a strike from Komurin as Komui shouted about him coercing his sister and stealing her innocence. He tried to bolt for the door but the Komurin was too fast and blocked his exit. “I Wont let you escape, Allen Walker!”

Once they had finally stopped Komui’s rampage the entire cafeteria of the order was destroyed.

“Chief, you destroyed almost all of our food supplies.” Reever exclaimed in disbelief.

“Brother! Why would you do something like that?” she chastised.

“But… Lenalee he shared an indirect kiss with you.” Komui blubbered in reply.

“That’s a terrible reason. Allen didn’t do anything. I was the one who let him have a bite. I don’t need you to protect me brother.”

“I can’t believe you destroyed almost all of our food on something so pointless!” Reever exclaimed again.

“I’m sorry, but I had to protect Lenalee. “ Komui wailed.

Reever turned away from the pathetically wailing chief to talk to Jerry. “How bad is it?”

“Well, the chief took out almost all of our food. We’ll have to do half rations until the next shipment comes in.”

“Alright.” Reever said turning to face the crowd in the cafeteria. “Listen up everyone. We’re on partial rations until the next food shipment comes in next week. Now start cleaning up and chief get back to work!”

“I’m hungry. “ Lavi complained later sitting atop a pile of rubble.  “And there’s no snacks.”

“Quit whining baka usage.” Kanda groused, “I’m leaving.”

“Yu wait!” Lavi cried but was cut off by a glare from Kanda.

“Leave him alone, Lavi.” Lenalee said, “He’s just grumpy about the food.”

“I know. We’re all going to starve. My bet is that Allen dies first.”

“Lavi!”

“What Lenalee? You’ve seen how much he eats. It’s probably true, right, Allen?”

When the white haired boy didn’t respond Lavi turned to find him staring sadly at a dish of food he had uncovered in the rubble.”

“Hey Allen!”

“Huh… what?” Allen asked moving away from the food and towards them.

“Oh never mind. Do you want to go ferret out peoples secret food stashes?” Lavi asked, “With a stomach like yours we should be able to find them all. It will lead us right to them.”

“ Lavi, its not right to steal other peoples food.”

“I know but i'm starving”

“Lavi, it’s only been a couple of days!” Lenalee exclaimed.

“And this is nowhere near starving Lavi” Allen added as the three of them left the cafeteria.

“But Lenalee you cant say anything. Your brother has been sneaking you full meals.”

“Quit complaining. I always split the extra with you guy’s.”

“How’s our food look, Jerry?” Komui asked the next week, finally over his rampage.

“We have food for one more day. If we don’t want to starve we’ll have to hope this storm blows over and the shipment can arrive on time.

Komui sighed at this point it was more then possible that the food shipment would be delayed by the storm that came in the other day. That and the small portions of food were starting to hurt productivity. He was also worried about many of the exorcists, mainly Allen and his dainty sister Lenalee. Allen had been sleeping a lot more lately recoup energy lost to his innocence and he couldn’t let his sister become frail. Kanda and Krory had taken the only mission that had come and were due back in a couple of days so he wasn’t worried about them.

“Alright, Jerry.” Komui said standing up, “I’ll let everyone know.”

Predictable Lavi complained through most of the days until the food arrived complaining about hunger and saying that he was withering away.

Allen had acted unconcerned but had snapped at Lavi that a couple of days without food was not starving. Lenalee just shook her head at Lavi’s whining and Allen’s grumpiness.

The food shipment arrived the day that Kanda came back from his mission. “Yu! Your back” Lavi exclaimed.

“Leave me alone, baka usage. “Kanda said hand inching towards Mugen’s hilt. “Don’t call me that!”

“But Yu, we finally got food in. I thought that I was going to waste away.”

“It wasn’t that bad, Lavi.” Allen said coming up to join them and interrupting Lavi’s theatrics. “Hello Bakanda.”

“Moyashi.” Kanda growled, shoving past them just to run into Lenalee.

“Kanda” she exclaimed brightly and he growled in response.

Stopped by his friends Kanda finally took a good look at them. They were all a little thinner, except Allen. He noticed. He narrowed his eyes and stalked towards the boy. “Why the fuck haven’t you lost wait?”

They all turned in confusion to stare at the white haired exorcist. “Hmm… Kandas right, Allen. You didn’t really lose any weight” Lenalee said thoughtfully studying him.

“You were holding out on us weren’t you?” Lavi accused.  Allen started to speak but was cut off by Lavi’s wail of “I thought we were friends?”

“Tch” was all Kanda said as Lavi started to run down the hall towards Allen’s room and Lenalee activated her Dark Boots. All followed by a protesting Allen.

By the time Allen manages to catch up to them in his room they had already searched his room and attracted the attention of most of the exorcists who were curious about the commotion.

“Allen why do you have all of this food hidden in your room.?” Lenalee asked voice gentle but full of confusion. “Yeah why didn’t you share with us? I was withering away.” Lavi added.

Cross laughed in the door way ignoring his distraught guards that were trying to get him to leave. “I thought I told you to quit hoarding food like a street rat, stupid apprentice.”

Allen scowled at him., “I’m not hoarding it. I keep it for snacks.” He turned away from Cross’ insufferable smirk. “I get hungry at night.”

“Clear it out,” Cross said walking away to the relief of his guards. “And shit the bookman’s boy up. I’m tired of listening to him complain”

Allen watched in sadness as Lavi cleared out his secret stash of food and Link chastised him about not sharing and potentially attracting ants. The whole time Cross laughed at him as he walked away down the hall.

That was how the “famine” of the Black Order started, ended, and went down in their records.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. I hope you liked the last chapter. I don’t think I did an amazing job on this prompt but oh well. Sorry for it being late. I am currently working 10 hour days with only one day off each week and I just can’t always find enough time in the day to stay on time with these stories. Rest assured they will all be uploaded at some point. Anyway, I hope the chapter isn’t too terrible and that you enjoyed it. The next chapter is going to be depressing just based off the prompts and the story I have outlined.


	4. Rage Against the Dying of the Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own D.Gray-man. This chapter uses the prompts last words and goodbyes. It focuses on Cross and Allen. I think its my best chapter so please enjoy.

_Promise me you’ll never forget me. Because if I thought you would I’d never leave. – A.A Milne._

 

Neah had lied when he said that the world of light and blazing wheat swaying in the wind would be his final resting place. He had fought and raged against Neah’s hold on his mind and soul.

 

Whether or not the Cross he had talked to was real or imagined he had reminded Allen of his promise. He needed to continue walking forward, there was too much for him to accomplish just give up to his reincarnating uncle. He wasn’t going to break his promise to Mana or to Lenalee.

 

But even with the fire of survival in his soul Neah pounded relentlessly at his defenses. He wasn’t going to just let Neah take over. Cross had said that there were answers for him in the mansion if he could make it there. His master was many things but he was not a liar. He might withhold or manipulate the truth but he had never lied to Allen.

 

Those answers were in his grasp. He’d stumbled through an ark gate into the wheat field that was so familiar to him. He’d shaken link during Apocryphos’ last attack and had fled, vaguely hearing that the Noah had captured the sentient innocence. Now that he had wrestled control back he was going to get answers.

 

Neah’s relentless pursuit exhausted him and his low mental state heaved under the injuries he had received fighting Apocryphos. It was all he could do to work his way up to the mansion. The mansion looked exactly like it did in his dreams. An immaculate mansion surrounded by acres of wheat swaying under the sun. Except that this place felt real and separate from his dream world.

 

He just hoped that his answers were still there. It had taken him longer then he thought to wrought control from Neah. Allen stumbled up the steps to the mansions grand door and his right shoulder collided painfully with the doorjamb. He slumped tiredly against it. Neah was relentless and it would be so easy for him to just give up; but he couldn’t do that to Cross and all of the other people who were supporting him.

 

He knocked loudly on the door and winced. His arm hurt and it had taken way too much energy and effort to complete such a simple task.

 

The door opened on a face that Allen had only ever seen in Neah’s memories. She was older then she was in the memories but one should expect that with time. ‘Why did Cross tell me to come here?’ he thought as Katerina Campbell looked at him curiously and with concern, eyes widening at the sight of blood.

 

“Oh dear. Come in young man and we’ll help you.” Katarina reached to help him through the door way and Allen staggered into her hold.

“Thank you.” He whispered. He was exhausted and his vision was starting to go dark and Neah still wouldn’t leave him alone. He had reached his limit and he sagged in Katerina’s arms. Allen thought that he saw Road but everything was so jumbled he didn’t know. All he knew was that he was exhausted to the very core of is being and that Katerina Campbell’s embrace felt warm and safe.

 

‘Of all the places,’ he thought, ‘he told me to go to my grandmothers house.’ But it didn’t matter what he thought because everything was spinning into darkness. From far away he heard Katerina shouting at Road to help her and everything, even Neah, went blissfully silent.

 

He semi-woke to Neah fighting to take control of his body and in his half awake state everything was malleable and he pulled control back to himself. He thought that he heard someone say his name, but he was already sliding back into darkness.

 

Neah was silent for what Allen determined to be several days based on the amount of times he remembered waking up. Once Cross’ booming voice had woken him but it felt to dream like to be real. When he finally woke for real Neah was clawing at the back of his mind again. He was lying on a soft bed and sunlight streamed in through the window. Even with Neah trying to take over he felt better then when he had arrived.

 

A quick look around had turned up his clothes freshly cleaned and he changed into them. The entire time Neah’s presence creeped into his control and pushed Allen away. It was relentless now and beyond his ability to block and inevitable ending that he was continuously dodging. It was foolish of him to think that he could win against something so strong. He knew that now and he was going to leave. He couldn’t subject his grandmother and Road to his transformation, whether or not he wanted answers.

 

He was a failure, or he was going to be, time was a little irrelevant at this point as he moved through the mansion. He was letting everybody down and he couldn’t fulfill his promises. He also didn’t want to be the reason that they were sad.

 

“Where are you going?” Road asked, appearing behind lollipop in hand.

 

“I’m leaving, Road.”

 

“Why?” she asked even though she could feel Neah threatening to erase the boy with his imminent transformation.

 

“I cant… I just can’t stay.”

He was almost down the stairs to the entry way when his grandmother’s voice rang out making him pause and turn to look at her at the top of the grand staircase. “Why can’t you stay, Allen?”

 

Allen didn’t know what to tell her. He didn’t know how much she knew and he didn’t want to let her know that he was fading away. Instead he bowed his head and stared at his hand on the stair railing.

 

“Allen, I know that I am your grandmother. I am asking you why you cannot stay and you will answer me.”

 

His watery silver eyes met hers as Neah threatened to take control. “I’m sorry,” he told her making his way to the door.

 

“I’m sorry too, Allen,” she told him clutching her shawl tighter around her shoulders. “But you are always welcome here, Allen. Always. You are family so please be safe.”

 

Allen wanted to cry at her words but he couldn’t let her see him be taken over. He was just about to open the front door when he heard a sound that he thought he would never hear again. Maria was singing and it drowned out all thoughts of Neah’s fast approaching take over.

 

‘Maria only sings for one person,’ Allen thought. Forgetting about his demise Allen spun from the door on his heel and dashed up the staircase barreling past his grandmother and dodging a grab from Road. He printed down the corridors following the singing, Road and Katarina hurrying after him.

 

Neah’s control surged with the pounding rhythm of his feet. He gritted his teeth and continued on. The singing was getting louder and Allen didn’t know where he was getting the strength to keep going.

Allen burst through the door and paused panting in the doorway. Slowly, as in in a daze, Allen took in the room. Maria was singing to an awake and very alive Cross sitting in a chair looking out the window.

 

Cross had looked up startled at Allen and Allen could see that the left side of his face was no longer a mysterious mask but a messy, ugly scar. Maria stopped singing and Allen’s eyes grew wide. He hadn’t actually expected to find Cross; not after seeing the vision Apocryphos had shown him.

 

Cross surged shakily to his feet, cane in hand to aid his balance. The wound had taken more then his good looks from him. “Allen?” he asked and in that moment he looked older then Allen had ever seen him. So very unlike the strong man who had, albeit rather terribly and grudgingly, raised him.

 

“I hate you!” Allen choked out dropping his bag of stuff that had come to the mansion with him. “I really do hate you, you bastard.” He cried and strode across the room to stand in front of the proud general.

 

“You’ve grown taller,” Cross said like he hadn’t just missed months of the boy’s life and never expected to see those silver eyes again. That he hadn’t told Allen not to die in this war but had himself almost died. Like he hadn’t left the one thing in the world he had left to the boy.

 

“Stupid Shishou!” Allen cried and surged forward to bury his face into the man’s chest, almost knocking over his frail body. He wrapped his arms around the general and sobs started to shake his shoulders. Cross scowled but slowly wrapped his arms around the boy.

 

Katerina and Road watched in silence as Cross held the sobbing boy. Road had thought that Cross hadn’t cared about the boy until she had taken a trip through his mind. Now she knew that the man cared deeply for Allen but just never tried to show it.

 

Katerina was shocked. Road had told her that Cross had cared about her grandson but she hadn’t truly believed it. It was hard to reconcile the Cross she remembered and the Cross at present. Parts of him were still just as annoying and detestable as they were in the past; but parts of him had matured and changed. She still couldn’t picture him taking care of child, but clearly he hadn’t done a bad job.

 

Allen untangled his arms from around Cross and rubbed at his nose, sniffing softly.

“Are you done crying now, idiot apprentice?” Allen wiped his running nose on his sleeve and nodded. “That’s disgusting,” Cross told him and Allen sheepishly rubbed the sleeve on the back of his pants and Cross just sighed and drug a handkerchief from his pocket.

 

“I thought you were dead, Allen said softly. “There was so much blood.” He continued looking down and wringing the soiled handkerchief in his hands. “Central wouldn’t tell us anything and Tim kept going back to your room.”

 

Allen looks out the window to stare at the gracefully swaying stalks of wheat. “I really thought that you had died. Even Tim couldn’t find you.” He choked out staring at his feet again. “Leverrier accused me of killing you.” He finished, meeting the general’s eyes.

 

Cross opened his mouth to say something to the distraught boy but couldn’t think of anything to say so instead turned to look out the window he had been staring out of earlier and then back to Allen. The boy looked like he was going to start crying all over his shirt again. He liked the shirt Katarina had gotten him and he didn’t want snot getting all over it.

 

“You left me, “ he said quietly tears pooling in his eyes. “You left me and you left me with those stupid words.” Allen scrubbed furiously at his nose again. “That was a stupid goodbye and it was nothing like you.”

 

“And…and,” the boy was angry now, so angry that he couldn’t even get his sentence out. But there was something else in his eye that Cross noticed. “And… you didn’t tell me that Mana was the Earl. How can he be the Earl? I killed him.” Allen’s chest heaved and tears pooled in his eyes again. “Why didn’t you tell me? I’m so confused shishou…”

 

“I don’t know,” Cross said. “I should have told you. I thought that Neah would take over before you found out.” Cross pulled the boy into a hug again. “That way you’d go happy, knowing for sure that Mana loved you. It was all that I could think to offer you.”

 

“You have the worst luck brat, “ he said ignoring Road and Katerina watching.

 

“I know,” Allen mumbled into Cross’ chest.

“Allen, Where is Timcanpy?”

 

Allen started crying again at the mention of the golden golem. “I’m sorry…I’m sorry, “ he mumbled. “Kanda said that Apocryphos killed him.” HE hugged Cross tighter, “I don’t know what to do without Tim.”

 

Cross was shocked that the sentient innocence had gotten to the golem. Tim was generally pretty crafty and could get away from anything, except maybe cats. He untangled Allen from his shirt and frowned at the snot there. “Allen…,” He gripped the boys shoulders and pushed him out to arms length. “Allen, listen to me. Its okay.”

 

Allen awkwardly swiped at his nose from around Cross’ arms. He wanted to cry again he was so upset and frustrated. Neah was going tot take over any minute and he felt so guilty about loosing one few gifts Cross’ had given him. “Its not okay,” he mumbled. “You gave him to me…”

 

“Its okay, Allen. It was just a golem.” Cross looked away dropping his hands from Allen’s shoulders. “He wasn’t important.”

 

Allen could see the sadness in his stance and took a step back. He choked back a groan as he fought Neah off and Cross turned to look at him.

 

“I’m sorry,” he said tears leaking down his cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

 

Cross went to grab his shoulder but he took another step back gripping his temples with his hands. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t beat Neah.” His hands fell to his sides as he sobbed, “I’m sorry” again.

 

“Its okay,” Cross said. “You lasted longer then I thought you would. If you hadn’t held out as long as you did then you wouldn’t be my apprentice.”

 

“Thank you,” Allen whispered.

 

There was silence for a few moments until Allen breathed, “I don’t want to go” and fell to his knees on the carpet of the room clutching his head. “Leave me alone, Neah!”

 

He clutched his head harder and choked back a sob. “Leave me alone. I don’t need Mana anymore…” he sobbed again and contorted in on himself in pain. “I just want shishou and Lenalee and the rest of my family!”

 

“Stop,” he groaned out one last time his “please” ending in a choked whisper.

 

“Allen,” Cross said as the gray started to leave his eyes. His eyes roved around wildly in pain before they met Cross’. “I love you, you stupid brat. I should have been better.”

 

“I know you did,” Allen breathed and his body shook and breath hitched. “I did too.” He choked out as the raging sun within him drowned out the gentle light of the moon within his eyes.

 

Allen’s body uncurled from its contorted position, skin grey, eyes as gold as the wheat surrounding the mansion.

 

“Give him back, Neah!” Cross shouted.

 

“Now Cross, that isn’t the proper way to greet an old friend,” Neah said golden eyes full of fire in the face of the boy who was until just a moment ago, his son. “Especially one you swore to help.”

 

A sinister smirk grew across Neah’s face, at odds with Allen’s soft features. “You’ve grown soft, Cross.” Cross glared at him gripping his cane tightly, Maria silently wailing at the loss of Allen. “Don’t look at me like that. You got to say goodbye. It was inevitable.”

Katerina cried and Road stared at the reincarnated Noah of Destruction. “I hate you,” Cross ground out. “I fucking hate you.” Cross started limping out the door, turning back to face the Noah. “I’ll help you end this ridiculous war. But I will never forgive you. I’ll never forgive you, Neah, for taking Allen away from his friends and family. From taking him away from me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. I hope that everyone enjoyed this chapter. It was super sad to write and I desperately hope that Allen doesn’t get erased in the manga. I feel like this is my best story idea for the countdown. I’m sorry that this chapter is late. I will continue posting the chapters as I get them done. They may not be on time but I will have the entire countdown posted.


	5. The Sacrifices We Make

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 5 of the countdown focusing on the sacrifices some of the characters make for the war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been awhile. I’m sorry for the abysmally long delay. I have been incredibly busy at work and at home. Things have started to relax a little and now I some time to finish this countdown. Just like I promised I would.
> 
> For those who forgot this countdown was for the premier of Hallow. This chapter is for day 5 and the prompts were Martyrology, Sacrifices, and Resolution. I chose the prompt sacrifices. This chapter focuses on four different characters and their sacrifices for the war. They are Reever Wenham, Johnny Gill, Zu Mei CHang, and Renny Epstain. More notes will be included at the end of the chapter.

_Let us sacrifice our today so that our children can have a better tomorrow. -A.P.J. Abdul Kalam_

**_Reever Wenham-_ **

Reever pinched the bridge of his nose in an attempt to ward off his budding headache and mounting frustration. Komui was off only God knew where building something damnable and destructive. Shirking his responsibilities on to Reever’s overworked shoulders. He’d left him in charge of the gaggle of scientists and Reever resented the extra work on top of a string of sleepless days and nights.

He placed his elbows on his knees and cradled his head in his hands biting back a sigh. God, what he wouldn’t do for Lenalee’s coffee right now, or better yet, a lemon soda. But she was currently off on a mission, adding to the Chief’s allergy against anything that resembled work.

A loud “bang” rang through the Science Division accompanied by a scream of pain and Reever suppressed the urge to flinch at the sound. After a moment of silence the normal cacophony returned and Reever groaned into his hands. It had sounded like an- ‘Oh shit! That experiment did not go as planned and that was unexpected’- type of scream, compared to the- ‘Oh shit! I fucked up and am very much hurt’- scream. He couldn't bring himself to go confirm his assumption at the moment. Regardless, the paperwork for the incident would be on his desk for review before the day was over.

He was never going to find peace in the chaos that was the European Science Division, but on days like this he desperately wished for it. Still huddled in his hands he heard another explosion rumble through the area. This time accompanied by exclamations of awe. The smoke cleared just in time for two scientists to start squabbling over a piece of equipment. Today felt like one of those days where you sacrificed your sanity in order to make it through to the next day. After working here for years he wasn’t even sure that he had any sanity left to give. It would certainly explain why he was still working here..

Reever sighed as he stood and closed the door to his tiny, cramped office. Cutting off the sound of the two scientists still arguing over what he now saw was a particle analyzer and a funky smell that was now starting to permeate the area. With peace somewhat restored in his life he slumped back down at his desk. Paperwork was boring but he needed finish them before more piled up. Now was probably the only time that he could scrounge up, at least, for today. Time was precious. So unbelievably precious to everyone at the order, most of all the Exorcists.

He shifted a couple of stacks of paper on his desk to reveal a photograph. It bloomed with color because there wasn't anything that the scientists here couldn't do. The sight of it left a heavy feeling in his heart, but the colors and emotions entrapped in it slowly cleared away the tension in his shoulders and all  the negative emotion that had been building in his heart.

Smiling up at him from the photo was Lenalee, laughter evident in the lines of her body. She hung off of a fiercely scowling Kanda who couldn't keep the small twinkle of mirth and happiness out of his eyes. Allen looked so unbelievably happy and at home surrounded by friends and people who loved him, even as he mischievously reached out to tug at Kanda’s hair. On Allen’s left Lavi had broken into a full on bout of laughter while making bunny ears behind Allen’s head.

Photos of all the exorcists littered his office and were scattered throughout the entire science division. This one was his favorite. On days like this, when everything felt like too much, like he’d made too many sacrifices and not gained enough back in return he would look at those pictures and remember.

He would remember that everything they were doing was benefiting the exorcists. Every sacrifice he made, every shred of sanity that he threatened to lose and all the sleepless, mind numbing nights meant that an exorcist could come home. That they could survive an injury. That one more person wouldn't die in this war because exorcists were still out there  fighting to save humanity. Because the exorcists were sacrificing everything to ensure that he had a life and a future to look forward to.

He could make sacrifices of his own to aid them in their war. It would be worth it in the end, he knew, even as another explosion rocked the division accompanied by an- ‘Oh shit! I am very much hurt’- type of scream that made him groan as he set the photo down and dashed out his door into chaos.

All the sacrifices would be worth it if they could end this war and bring them home to live happy lives. After all, Headquarters was only home when their smiles and laughter resounded off its hallowed walls.

**_Johnny Gill-_ **

The monotonous routine of stitching fabric was calming to Johnny. The simple pattern of in and out and keeping the thread taught  brought a sense of peace and quiet that was rarely found in the science division. Most parts of the exorcists uniform could be sewn by with the sewing machine; but, the finer details required a delicate and sturdy hand.  A bad stitch would ruin the entire uniform in his eyes.

The exorcists who relied on his work deserved nothing but the best for their sacrifices. His own pride wouldn’t accept anything else either. He came from a long line of tailors and their pride came from their level of work and craftsmanship. Even now, he could picture his grandmother leaning over his work with a critical eye. Telling him to “Watch your stitches boy. Our family didn’t get anywhere in life by producing shoddy work.” Several more stitches fell in line with those previous and Johnny carefully finished off that line of stitching.

He repositioned the fabric and hunched back over his work. His glasses threatened to spill over his nose and he hastily pushed them back. Kanda needed the uniform before he went on his mission in the morning. Johnny knew, that the grumpy man wouldn't say anything but would appreciate the new uniform, considering, how worn his old one had become. Tomorrow he would start on a new uniform for Allen to accommodate the new form of his innocence.

Johnny sighed as a wave of homesickness washed over him and shifted his glasses. Sewing reminded him of his family and how much he desperately missed them. They had nurtured his love for science. Even as it became increasingly apparent that he would need to inherit the family business. Normally, the homesickness and nostalgia wasn't bad; but, the past couple of weeks had been incredibly trying and he’s had to sacrifice all of his free time.

He glanced over to the unopened letter from his grandmother and felt bad that his response to her had been one of the things he’d  pushed aside. He probably wouldn't have time to answer back for another couple of weeks at the rate everything was going. Those letters, far too few, were the last remaining connection that he had to his family. All outside communication was heavily monitored and he’d sacrificed and severed every remaining connection. He wanted to put aside his work  and read that letter; but, he knew that if he did he wouldn’t be able to go back and finish Kanda’s uniform.

He clenched his fists and started on another line of stitching, scrunching up his nose to keep his glasses perched on his nose as his frustration at himself and his desire to do anything else except work overwhelmed him.

Push. Pull. Push. Pull…

He tried not to stare at a family picture next to his bed.

Push. Pull, Push. Pull…

He turned his attention to a small robot that he had been building but hadn't had time to finish. Maybe, he thought, instead of starting on Allen’s uniform he could finish his robot and then the uniform. He immediately felt guilty about taking a day off while the exorcists were out risking their lives. But he, himself, had sacrificed a great number of things that were important to him. He deserved a little room to rest and to do  things that interested him. Even the exorcists got tiny breaks, small, but still there. First though, he would finish Kanda’s uniform.

The quiet acknowledgement that Kanda gave him the next day reminded him that all the sacrifices were worth it.

**_Zu Mei Chang-_ **

Zu smiled at the sight of Kanda leaning casually against a pillar of the Asia Branch. He could still remember the nine year-old who looked up at him with wide innocent eyes. So small that even with his short stature he had to kneel down to meet the boys eyes. He had grown into a fine man and an even finer exorcist. Tall, graceful, and handsome even with his air of indifference. Everything he, For, Twi, and Edgar had hoped he would be. More than just another experiment, a person who lived their life.

Zu had sold his soul and the lives of his family for that project. Sacrificed some of the love and adoration that Bak held for his great-uncle. All to gather power under the Chang family name, unheeding of the consequences. He’d been lucky that Bak had escaped the massacre. Even more so that he didn't seem to judge Kanda for the events.

He had been too full of his own grief, his own repentance for his sins, to give the boy much mind in the days following the event. Eventually, when his sight had cleared and he’d realized how wrong the project had been, he’d forged the boys katana and trained him in its use.

It dawned on him long after the project had closed that no one had really known what they were getting into. Exorcists couldn't be made, they had to be chosen and left  with room to grow into their roles, a child exorcist especially. They hadn't made exorcists. They had made human beings, children at that, and they deserved, as much as possible, to be treated as such.

He felt nauseous at what they had forced upon those children for the sake of a war and in the name of God. The boy was all dark stares and hastily covered up pain. His life should have been viewed just as precious as anyone else's life. For the longest time he had thought that they had destroyed the boy beyond repair.

Now, watching Bak, the spitting image of his father, fuss over Kanda just like his father used to do reminded Zu that time can fix many things. That people are not always as broken as they appeared. Years ago the two would have been so awkward around each other that it had been painful to watch. Constantly dancing around and away from the blood stained events that bound them together. Now, they acted  like most siblings who had such a large age gap, with distance but grudging love.

Later, when General Tiedoll had come to pick up Marie, Zu made sure that Kanda left with him. The kind, old man who loved his apprentices like sons could protect the boy from Central far better than he could. Kanda nor Bak were never aware of what he’d sacrificed to allow Kanda to escape the confines of his prison. He’d sacrificed his own soul, the lives of his family, and now his own life force for this project and the war; but, he did not sacrifice his humanity. Letting Kanda grow up under Tiedoll’s love had been one of the best decisions he had made in his long life.

He also should have known that the man wouldn’t accept his woefully late apology concerning the project. Kanda was very much like the lotus’ that haunted his vision Zu thought. Holding on to and giving Kanda Mugen for the final time was the second best decision of his life. After this war was over he hoped that Kanda would find peace.

He only wished that he could live to see Leverrier’s face when he read his will. Leverrier might of been his old pupil; but, that doesn't mean that he agreed with everything the man did. His face would be livid when Kanda, only a failed project in his eyes, inherited Zu’s portion of the Chang family fortune and assets. It was his third best decision, one still unknown to Kanda, and Bak and For had loved the idea.

His best decision, though, had still been to stop mourning for the things that he had sacrificed and to free a young little boy. Kanda would never admit it but Tiedoll’s love had allowed him to blossom into an amazing person. It’s what you choose to do with those sacrifices that make them worth it in the end, Zu knew.

To Zu, they were worth it.

**_Renny Epstain-_ **

Before all of this blood had never had a scent for her. Even though, as a scientist, she knew that it should smell like the iron it was bound around. Belatedly, she realized, that maybe she hadn't been exposed to enough of it to experience the smell. Now, the smell of iron clogged her nostrils and turned her stomach. Blood splattered the walls and stained the floors. Painting the twisted shapes of the scientists a deep crimson. Their sightless, glazed eyes gaped at her, mouths contorted into silent screams of agony.

Renny closed her eyes to block out the horrendous sight but the smell still coated the back of her throat. This could have been her. Would have been her if not for Twi. She would have been one of the those soulless corpses with gaping eyesight and her breath hitched, bile creeping its way up her throat.

“My father?,” she asked a scientist who was looking just as sick next to her. His eyes grew wide and he shakily pointed to a door that lead deeper into the lab. “I dont… I dont think that you want to go in there.”

She bit back the bile in her throat and snarked back to the man, “I’ll decide that.” In hindsight, she should have listened. The scene in the room drove her to her knees. Her father’s gaping gaze was seared into her memory. Instead of the soft smile he wore when teaching and guiding her, his face was contorted into a soundless scream, guiding hands mutilated at his sides.

A sob threatened to rise up with the bile and she back tracked out of the lab and the massacre into the hallway on shaky legs. The cloying scent of blood was making her nauseous and she sunk to the floor. Resting her head against the cool stone, pulling her knees up to her chest, arms limp at her sides she stared up at the vast ceiling of the Asia branch cloaked in shadows.

A sob hitched in her throat and she drew a shaky breath, tears pricking the corner of her eyes. God, she had been such a fool, such a naive little child following after her father. Growing up in the Order’s dark recesses had made her arrogant, her father’s shadow wide-eyed. Both had made her think that she knew how cruel the world can be.

She could still hear the excitement in his voice, “Renny! We’ve done it. We’ve done it!”. Hands clasped on her shoulders, “We’ve created an artificial body. We’ve given life! We’re helping God with this war.” Well now he’d payed the price for stepping into God’s world. She and her father had been too blinded by the Order’s ideologies and their imposed righteousness  in the name of God to think of the consequences. Surely, she had thought and believed at one point, that God would give them free reign to end this war. She had been wrong.

She had been wrong. She had been naive. _Sucking, hitching breaths between clenched teeth_ . She had been innocent. _Her nails dug trenches into her palms._ She had been blinded and she had been arrogant. _Eyes screwed shut to the world around her, sound miles away._ But most of all she had been wrong. **They had all been wrong.**

They had all been wrong and in turn were smited by one of the  things that they had breathed life into. Massacred for the heinous sin of bestowing life where only God once could. They had been so delusioned in the righteousness of their cause. Playing with the supposed benevolancy of the God in whose name that they fought. Never again would she tread into God’s territory. Nine years later and she still had not learned where that territory was. The images from that blood soaked day overlapped with the present in dizzying, disconcerting ways. Dust clogged her nose and the irony smell of blood coated her mouth and seeped down her throat. So similar and yet so different from that day.

She had thought that she had already spent all of the innocence in her soul. Spent it- when she had helped bring forth life by spitting in God’s face. Shattered it- when she had been smited for it. Lost it -when she had burned the mutilated body of her father and listened to Bak Changs anguished cries. It should have been long gone and buried with the rotting corpse of her creation, Alma Karma. She shouldn’t have had enough innocence left in her to believe in the faith of her work that had continuously been wrong.

This time she had been greedy and desperate in the wake of power the Earl had displayed. So naive to believe that the Third Exorcist Project did not tread onto God’s grounds. To scared of the Earl to heed the warnings of the past. She should have listened to Bak and she should have looked at Kanda to remember where playing God had gotten them. Instead, the Earl had made a mockery of her creations, the Thirds. Alma’s body stared into her soul and Kanda’s grief laden anguish made her desperately wish that she had learned from her mistakes all those years ago like she thought she had..

Once, she had been arrogant-

         Naive.

         Blinded.

         Righteous

         Wide-eyed.

         Greedy.

-and once she had been innocent and had thought she lost it. But she was wrong. The last of it was flowing away like the blood of all the scientists that she had commanded and never would again. Another sacrifice to leach into the ruins of the North American Branch.

She had once been all of these things and this time for sure, she would never be again. After all she had no more innocence to sacrifice. Nothing left to pay the toll for crossing unbidden into God’s territory. The dust and the cries and the anguish from this day would haunt her.  Just like the cloying scent of the blood from her past. Never again would her own innocence protect her from the nightmares of her mistakes. She was forever damned to choke on the smell of blood that never faded. To hear the haunting, anguished cries of those whose lives she had meddled with, and to see the sight of mutilated bodies and gaping, soulless gazes draped over reality like the illusions they were.

Maybe the world would be a better place if she hadn’t made her sacrifices. She would never know; but she knew they had caused more blood, death, and anguish then any good they had brought about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you for being patient with the wait. I was trying to finish this before the next D.Gray-man chapter came out; but, now I guess I have another three months to finish this story. I was crushed that there wasn’t going to be a new chapter this month but I’ll live. There is nothing I want more then for Hoshino to be happy and healthy while creating her amazing story and world.
> 
> This chapter turned out a little different then I had originally outlined. I actually like how it ended up. Reever’s section was pretty straight forward, so nothing to say regarding it. Johnny’s section takes place before the Kanda/Alma arc and I don’t think there is anything else that I need to point out. Zu’s arc is a lot of my own headcanons. I think that Kanda is closer to the Changs and the Asia branch then most people think. I also think that the Changs kind of think of him like family. Also if anyone didn't quite catch what Zu sacrificed to send Kanda off with Tiedoll (another personal headcanon) I’ll say it here. It was the use of Atuda. My personal headcanon is that he kept it hidden from the Order originally but then traded its use to free Kanda. Renny’s section wasn’t too complicated or far from what we know as canon. It was my favorite section to write and I hope that everything I was trying to convey was apparent.
> 
> Hopefully everything made sense. Please let me know if there are any glaring errors. If you have any questions please feel free to contact me! Thank you to everyone who reviewed my previous chapters. They really made me feel great about my writing. Some were even from other writers I follow on here and tumblr because I greatly admire their work. So thank you very much. Like I said at the beginning when I started all of this it may take awhile but I will finish this. I have had this all outlined for ages so I should have the next chapter out in the next two weeks or potentially earlier.
> 
> Thanks!


	6. Trials of the Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanda has a lot of emotions surrounding his promotion to general and Timcanpy's sacrifice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look I got Chapter 6 out when I said I would. :) Thanks to the people who reviewed my previous chapters. They made me feel awesome about my writing. The prompts for this chapter were tribulations, sad moments, and emotions. I went with emotions as the main prompt but included parts of the others as well. This chapter is about Kanda and the emotions surrounding the circumstances of him being promoted to General.  More author's notes at the end and please watch out for Kanda’s swearing. Enjoy!

_Guilt isn’t always a rational thing… Guilt is a weight that will crush you whether you deserve it or not.-Mareen Johnson_

Kanda bit back a frustrated sigh and slumped back against his seat. Tiedoll was  prattling on about how much  he had missed him and that Kanda really should have told someone that he’d broken critical sooner. It was annoying in his opinion. Tiedoll was making a fuss about nothing and his advice, while well intentioned, was nothing Kanda did not already know.

“I’m serious, Yu-kun. You shouldn't have gone off to help Johnny. You put your place in the Order in jeopardy, especially after the events at the North American branch.” Tiedoll wiped his eyes of tears and continued, “I don't want to bring you into the upper reaches of the Order, Yu-kun. I know how much you despise the place....”

“Then why are you?” Kanda asked turning away from the train window to meet Tiedoll’s soft, watery eyes. It was silent for a moment, only broken by the clacking of the tracks and the rattling of the train compartment. Kanda crossed his arms and soft “Tch” escaped his lips.

“It’s the only way I can protect you from the dark sections of the Order, Yu-kun. The only way I could think of to protect my son. Don't try to say your not. You were my son the minute I picked you up at the Asia Branch and you looked at the world with such wonder.”

Kanda scowled at him. “I'm not that little boy anymore, Tiedoll.”

“I know,” Tiedoll said searching his pockets for a clean handkerchief. “You’ve grown into a fine young man. Forgive an old man for his faults, Yu-kun.” Kanda handed him a handkerchief with a sigh. “Tch. You're disgusting.”

Tiedoll laughed and accepted the handkerchief. “I mean it though, Yu-kun. You have grown into a wonderful young man.” Tiedoll wiped his nose. “You have amazing friends and I thought-” Tiedoll trailed off to look at the passing landscape and back to Kanda. “I thought that with who you’ve grown to be that you could protect yourself and your ‘ _friends’_ as a general.”

Tiedoll had placed an odd emphasis on friends and Kanda moued at him in confusion until it dawned on him that Tiedoll had done it on purpose. He hadn’t just meant the people at the Order that Kanda cared about, he meant the moyashi too. Kanda fingered the leather pouch around his neck in silence. He didn't really like to think of Tiedoll as a father; but, there was no denying that was what he was to him, especially when he did things like this.

He didn't know what to say. Everything felt caught in his throat and so he scowled down at his hands instead. Tiedoll had taken all of the abuse Kanda had thrown at him through the years and still came back every time to  help him back onto his feet. Never once asking for anything in return. Even breaking critical wouldn't warrant making him a general, not with his past. Tiedoll must be pulling a lot of strings and favors to even allow it to happen.

He didn’t know how to tell the old man that he didn't feel like he was worth all of the fuss. Not worth whatever Tiedoll was giving up, but he wasn't going to let this opportunity pass. Tiedoll’s gentle, “You don’t have to say anything, Yu-kun. I already know.” broke his train of thought.

Kanda looked up into the kind eyes of the General. The same ones that had looked at him all those years ago with love, even when he didn't want it and still felt like he did not deserve it. The General reached across the the train compartment and patted his knee. “A father should always protect their son whether it's wanted or not. I’ll always be there to help you, Yu-kun, and i’ll always listen. Remember that.”

“Stop calling me that.” Kanda grumbled, but it held no bite. Tiedoll removed his hand from his knee and leaned back in his seat mumbling about drawing something.

“Tiedoll…?” The man looked up from the perusal of his supplies. “Arigato,” Kanda said almost inaudible above the noise of the train as he turned to stare out the window. Tiedoll smiled  at his current drawing. Both content with the silence that followed for awhile.

“Why aren’t we using the Ark?”

“I thought it would be better to take the long way back to the Order. That way I could spend time with my son.” Kanda’s reply was cut off by Tiedoll, “No! Don’t move, Yu-kun. I’m sketching you.”

Kanda grudgingly moved back to his previous position, “I don't want to be sketched,” he mumbled sullenly.

“Too late, Yu-kun. You should have said something earlier. I am almost done.”

“Are you done yet old man?”

“Patience, Yu-kun. Were also taking the long way back to the Order so I can talk to you about your new position.” Tiedoll set aside his finished drawing and Kanda turned to look him in the eyes. “If you want to help your friends you can’t be played by Leverrier. You cannot be ignorant about what is happening in the Order. I know that you and Lenalee are good at ferreting out information in the Order, but this is more then those little bits of information. Can you do it, Kanda?”

There was never any doubt. He couldn’t rest with these regrets so he answered the only way he could, “Yes.”

* * *

Kanda slammed shut the door to his room with a huff and flung himself into his sole, dusty chair. His promotion ceremony  had been a headache inducing experience. Being around so many people and so much noise was exhausting. He’d had to force back the urge to brandish Mugen in someone's face and even now his fingers itched to pull Mugen from its sheath. The only thing stopping him, then and now, was the knowledge that it was very unbecoming for a general to behave that way and the sad, disappointed look that Tiedoll would no doubt send his way.

“The levels of hell that I endure for those idiots.” Kanda grumbled, plunging his hands into his coat pockets. He’d collected quite a bit of junk traveling around with Allen and Johnny. He paused when his hand brushed up against something sooty. From his pocket he withdrew Timcanpy’s crumbling form.

He carefully cradled the remains in his hands and searched his room for something to place them in. He might have found Timcanpy to be an annoying little shit but the golem had protected Kanda and regardless of its faults that meant something in Kanda’s opinion.

Kanda settled on a box that had once held cigars sitting on the table next to his chair. Cross had given it to him years ago on one of his rare visits to the Order when he was just entering his teen years. He’d scoffed at the older man’s gift and dumped the cigars but kept the box. Tiedoll had been livid at the General for the stunt, the entire reason Cross had done it, but had settled when Marie had said the cigars were gone.

The box had been made of high quality wood and had served a few purposes over the years. It still held the faint scent of cigars after all this time. Kanda frowned down at the box. It wasn’t the ideal place to put to rest a beloved pet/golem that had saved your life; but, it was better than anything else in his room. It had also once belonged to Cross, so maybe that would help the golem rest a little easier.

Kanda carefully laid the golem in the empty cigar box, painstakingly going through his coat pocket to find every piece of the once mischievous golem. Finally nothing was left of the golem in his pocket and the box held every little blackened, crumbling fragment. Lastly, Kanda placed the wooden chip far away from the box. It would have been cruel to place that innocent looking chip in with the remains of its victim.

He felt sick looking at the remains. Kanda was no stranger to destroyed golems. They dropped faster than the finders did around the Order. The problem was that it was Timcanpy resting in that old cigar box. There had been more than circuitry  at work inside the golem. Timcanpy had his own personality, his own quirks, and loved to steal Allen’s food. This was far beyond what the normal Order golem could ever dream of doing. Kanda knew that the Moyashi was going to be devastated at the news.

He hastily kicked his shoes off and stood up shedding his coat onto the chair he had been sitting on. The thought of Allen’s sad, tearful eyes made his stomach turn. He dropped the less comfortable outer jacket of his uniform with his coat and unclipped Mugen from his belt and laid it gently on the table next to the box. He stomped over to his bed and threw himself on it in a huff, burying his head into the pillow.

His emotions were all over the place and he really just wanted to slice something with Mugen. Preferably Leverrier’s pompous face, but anything at this point would suffice. But he’d left Mugen across the room to reduce that sam urge.. Kanda had seen where wielding Mugen in anger and grief had gotten him and he did not want to go there again.

He regretted his actions from the North American Branch so much. He’d practically ruined Allen’s life and taken something precious from Lenalee’s world. He was too proud to admit to her that he cared. Now he’d failed them both again, even though he was still working towards his goals. He’d left the Moyashi with the looming threat of the 14th in his shadow and came back with nothing to reassure the heartbroken Lenalee. To add to his piles of failure he had let Timcanpy die.

He rolled onto his back and stared up at the tall ceiling and let out a long, drawn out, frustrated sigh. He rubbed his eyes with one hand before letting his arm fall and cover his eyes. He was such a shit friend and he hated himself at the moment. They had been doing fairly well until Apocryphos had to come and wedge his stupid ass into Kanda’s hard thought plans. He’d screwed everything up and Kanda could only hope that he would be able to fix things as a general. He couldn’t stand to face Tiedoll or Lenalee if he couldn’t.

“Gomen’nasai, Moyashi,” Kanda mumbled. The creepy sentient innocence had said that Timcanpy had been all that was keeping Allen from giving in. Now that support was gone. Gone saving Kanda from a situation he should have been smart enough to avoid. If Allen lost his battle he would never forgive himself. Wasn’t even sure he could end it like he promised he would. The guilt was overwhelming and he felt like he was drowning in a sea of it with no solace in sight.

A knock interrupted his dark thoughts and he held his breath. Maybe if he was quite they would assume he wasn't there and leave him the hell alone. The knocks sounded again, “Kanda. I know you’re in there. I can hear your heartbeat,” came Maries muffled voice through the door.

‘Fuck it’s Marie.’ Kanda thought. He didn't really want to talk to his brother. “Go away Marie.” Marie ignored him and entered the room. ‘Oh fuck it all. I forgot to lock the door’ Kanda thought and his mood soured even more. He felt Marie settle at the end of the bed and lifted his arm to send a dark, glowering scowl at the man even though he couldn’t see it. In return Marie sent Kanda a look that said he knew exactly what Kanda was doing and was non to impressed. Kanda huffed and let his arm fall back down.

“I told you to go away, Marie.”  


“You did. I chose not to listen.”

“Tch.” kanda tried to kick him off the bed and Marie didn't budge. “Leave now,” Marie looked unperturbed, “Please,” Kanda ground out. Marie gave Kanda a look that said I knew you had manners in you somewhere and still didn't move.

“Tiedoll told me some of what happened. He also said something happened to Timcanpy.”

Kanda tried another failed attempt to kick him off the bed and glared into his arm, “Timcanpy died. The fuckhead Apocryphos got him while he was helping me and the little bastard won’t regenerate.”

“Language, Kanda.” Marie gently admonished and was graced with a sulky “tch” in response. “I thought he could repair himself?”

“Apparently, we thought wrong,” was Kanda’s sarcastic reply. Quietly he continued, “Stupid thing saved my life. It should have just gone and helped Allen and left me there.”

“I’m glad he didn’t,” Marie said honestly pushing away another one of Kanda’s attempts to remove him from the bed, “Because of him Lenalee and I still have our brother.”

“I’m not your brother and I am definitely not hers. She already has one, and he’s crazy.”

His harsh words held no bite though and Marie smiled, “I don’t think Allen would blame you for Timcanpy’s sacrifice.”

“You don't-,” Kanda clamped down on a surge of grief and guilt. “You don't understand. That ass-, I mean jerk said that Timcanpy was all that Allen had left to hold onto.”

Marie hummed in thought, “It was. Cross left it to him. Just like Tiedoll leaves you all of those paintings for you to remember him with when he’s gone that said you threw out but hid in your closet” Marie looked at him pointedly as he sat up and settled next to him on the bed. “I’m sure that it will hurt Allen a lot. He’s lost a lot of fathers in his life but he’d be happy that you’re still here. You’re his friend.”

“Tch.” Kanda turned away and picked at the lint on the blanket covering his bed.

“He’ll pull through, Kanda. He’s got Johnny with him now and he’s got Tiedoll, me, you, Lenalee, and everyone else helping him. Don’t let yourself fall back into the darkness that Allen helped free you from. He wouldn’t want that.”

“I know,” Kanda finally said after a long moment of silence. “Arigato.”

Marie hummed and rose soundlessly to his feet. He turned and offered a hand out to Kanda who looked at it in angry confusion for invading his personal space. “Lenalee is throwing a party for your promotion. I am supposed to make sure you attend.” Kanda eyed the hand warily but accepted it anyways.

Marie pulled  Kanda to his feet and into a hug. Kanda sputtered and cursed as Marie released him. “I’m happy you're safe.” Marie patted his head and strode for the door before Kanda could react. “I’m proud of you too.”

Kanda scowled at the man who just laughed in response and stalked over to his discarded boots and uniform jacket. He shoved his feet into his boots and reached for his jacket, glancing over at Timcanpy’s remains. He couldn't just leave the golem there. It was not proper and he owed the golem more than he could ever repay. He fixed the collar of his uniform  and clipped mugen onto his belt before reaching out to gently close the box with a quiet ‘snick.’ He searched around for a piece of paper and uncorked an inkwell. Marie sent a questioning look his way but remained silent, curious as to what he could hear Kanda doing.

Carefully Kanda wrote Timcanpy’s name on the paper in both English and Japanese. He cradled the box in his arms, crossing the room to lay it gently on the mantle above his fireplace. He propped the paper up beside the box and used a match to light a candle next to it. He left it burning and joined Marie in the hall, softly shutting the door.

Marie looked at him curiously. He didn't know what Kanda had done; but, knew that it was important. He was sure that one day Kanda would tell him.

“Let's go, Marie” Kanda said gruffly, striding determinedly away.

* * *

Forty-nine days later Kanda said thank you and added another word next to Timcanpy’s name. It read: _Yūjin for friend._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually really love this chapter. I was hesitant before I started writing it because I had ideas on my outline but with no clear defined path that I was going to take. I love how it all came together though and I felt fairly creative while writing it. Just so everyone knows moue, pronounced moo, is actually a word and describes a pouty disdainful face. I may  have misused it as a verb when it's supposed to be a noun but I loved it, it made me laugh, and I feel like this accurately describes a lot of Kanda’s facial expressions when he interacts with people. The discoveries you make when using a thesaurus because you can’t remember a word for something but remember that it's similar to another word. The more you know.
> 
>     In this chapter I love Kanda’s interactions with people because he comes off as uncaring to people who don't know him, but to people who do, his actions show that he cares more than he knows how to show or say. I hope that's reflected in my writing. Plus, one of my favorite headcanons is that Lenalee and Kanda grew up as siblings and you’ll see that reflected in the story too.
> 
>     I did some quick research into Japanese funeral customs at the last minute for this chapter. I felt that it was important for Kanda to do something honorary for Timcanpy at the end of the chapter instead of just leaving it how I had originally thought to end the chapter. I also felt it would be rude use my traditions because I am ignorant of thiers. I probably did a terrible job of incorporating them, but I honestly tried. I’ll include a link to my source if anyone is curious and would like to learn something, https://animewriter.wordpress.com/2009/09/18/death-in-japan-japanese-funeral-customs-practices-and-a-story-of-obligation/  
> Hopefully I did them some justice. I also just really want Timcanpy to regenerate in the manga. I love him so.
> 
> I hope that y’all  enjoyed the chapter. Please review and let me know. I’m going to try for another two weeks for the next chapter but I may not make it. We’re starting a large outage at my work site, a copper smelter, and we’re working 12 hour shifts and I’m not sure if it will be for six or seven days a week for the next month. So sorry in advance but I will do my best to sneak some writing into my time off. Thanks and again please let me know if you enjoyed the chapter, if there are any terrible mistakes, or if you have any questions.


	7. My Family is My Home...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 7 of my long over due to be completed countdown for the premier of Hallow. This chapter is about friendship, love, and happiness. It focuses on the sibling like bond between Kanda and Lenalee. Please Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I’m late. I had a really hard time deciding what to write for this chapter. I am actually really happy with how this turned out. The prompts for this chapter were happy moments, love, and friendship. This chapter has all three and depicts Kanda and Lenalee acting as siblings. It starts just after the events in my previous chapter. More author’s notes at the end. Please Enjoy!

_Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero. -Marc Brown_

 

Kanda scowled at the people celebrating his promotion. He’s braved and weathered the congratulatory pats on the back and the throngs of Order members to appease Lenalee. Even he did not want to be on the wrong end of her boots. He’d been trying to leave for the last twenty minutes but every time he tried to escape someone would waylay him and block the attempt.

 

The first time it had been Tiedoll sobbing behind his glasses all over again. An embarrassing repeat from the train ride to the Order. Then Komui and Reever had stopped him. His last attempt to leave had been met with a pointed and disappointed look from Marie. Miranda “eeped” and hid behind Marie at the harsh glare Kanda had sent them from across the room. When Marie didn’t budge Kanda “tched” and spun on his heel to stomp moodily through the crowd to find another exit.

 

Kanda cursed under his breath. His practice of always being away on  missions was rearing up to bite him. He didn’t know the new headquarters like he knew the original. He knew for sure that the door he’d used to enter the party would lead him back to his room. Everyone was blocking him from leaving through there and he had no idea if any of the other exits would get him where he wanted to go.. He would have to get lost like the idiot moyashi before he found his room again and he resented the fact that everyone was keeping him at this party and from the one exit.

 

He was just about to go scowl speculatively at another door when a whirlwind force snagged his arm and spun him toward the door he  had just marked as a doubtful exit. He started to yell at whoever had grabbed him when he realized that it was Lenalee. She shushed him and unceremoniously dragged him through the door and around a corner. Stopping in the dim light cast by the lit sconces.

 

Kandas cheeks were puffed out in anger and Lenalee burst into laughter at the humorous sight. Her light laughter bounced off the empty, echoing hallways and Kanda glared at her curiously over his mellowing anger.

 

“Your face,” she managed to say, “gets all funny when you’re surprised and angry.”

 

“It does not!” Kanda said indignantly, face scrunching up at the idea of him making funny faces. He scoffed at Lenalee’s renewed laughter and turned to stride off angrily down the hallway. He might have missed her and her laughter while he was away; but, he was not going to put up with it if it was directed at him.

 

Her hand snaked out and grabbed his wrist for the second time that night and he whirled around to glare at her. “I’m sorry for laughing at you but your face was all-” Lenalee said imitating his face, “and then you scrunched up your nose.” Lenalee dutifully finished up her impersonation and Kanda just stared at her.

 

“My face did not look like that and you look stupid doing that.”

 

“You did make that face.” Lenalee told him ignoring the last part of the comment. “It was rather cute,” she added as an afterthought.

 

Kanda was about to grace her with a comment on exactly where she could  place her “cute” thoughts when she continued talking. “Anyways. Kanda, why were you going back that way? It leads back to the party and I pulled you out because I thought that you didn't want to be there anymore.”

 

“I didn’t,”  he said and then paused, not wanting to admit that he didn’t know how to get back to his room from here and hadn’t meant to go back towards the party. His emotions from earlier tonight were still weighing heavily on him and he wanted nothing more than to return to his room and relax.

 

Lenalee tightened her grip on his wrists. “You don’t know how to get back to your room do you?” Kanda blushed in embarrassment and turned his face away from her. A soft sigh slipped from her lips and gave Kanda’s wrist a gentle tug to get him to face her again.

 

“It's okay, Kanda. I know that you’re always away. I’m just glad that you’re back, at least for a bit.” The blush dusting his cheeks started to fade and her hands slid down his wrist to start fiddling with his long, slender fingers. “It's been lonely.”

 

Kanda huffed, the closest thing to an agreement she’d ever get, and  gently extracted his hand from her grip. “Sorry,” he said. He wasn’t sure how to navigate the landmine that he walked into but figured that swallowing his pride and saying sorry was a start.

 

Lenalee looked up at him like she was going to start crying. After tonight he didn’t feel like he could handle her tears. Not that he ever really could in the first place. He rubbed the back of  his neck and grumbled, “Thank you for the party,” in the hopes of staving off her tears.

 

“Really?” She asked looking at him questionably. He wasn’t really known for liking social things.

 

“I wouldn’t have said anything if I didn’t mean it, baka.” His cheeks slowly dusted red from a combination of irritation and embarrassment. She smiled up at him, her previous loneliness forgotten, at least for the moment.

 

“Thanks, Kanda.” He grunted in acknowledgement and started down the hallway, This time in the correct direction. He turned around at the end of the hallway when she didn’t follow him, “Are you going to stand there all night?”

 

She looked up at him slightly startled and met his eyes. She had thought for sure the he hadn’t wanted her tagging along with him. Satisfied that she was going to follow he contemplated whether to go down the right or left hallway when Lenalee’s voice drifted up from behind him, “Left, Kanda.”

 

Kanda tched and flopped a hand behind in a half assed wave of acknowledgement, ignoring her soft giggles and her annoyed, “wait for me.” He knew that she would catch up. There was no way that she couldn’t, not with her Dark Boots. What he wasn't expecting was for her to collide with his back, long limbs grabbing him.

 

“What the hell are you doing?” Kanda shouted spinning around to give her a piece of his mind straight to her face but she wasn’t there. He emitted a strangled sound as Lenalee laughed in his ear, pulling herself higher up on his back. Kanda tired to shake her off but she glomped onto him tighter and continued to laugh. They almost toppled and Kanda grabbed her legs to steady them,

 

Once steadied, Lenalee settled her head on top of Kanda’s and snuck her arms around his neck in a loose hug. They stood there in the hallway for a  moment with Lenalee giggling and Kanda sputtering curses at her.

“What the hell!”

 

“I thought you wanted me to show you back to your room?”

 

“Not like this, idiot” Kanda struggled to tilt his head up with her on his back and his hair kept snagging on the buttons and medals on her exorcist coat. “Why are you even on my back? There is nothing wrong with your legs.”

 

“It sounded like fun and your reaction was priceless.” She patted his chest over his heart as a means of saying sorry. “Go down the hallway and then take a right.”

 

“I’m not going anywhere. This is childish.” Kanda groused and glared petulantly at his boots. The sound of footsteps approaching from another corridor spurred him into moving. There was no way that he was getting caught walking down the hallway with Lenalee on his back. Komui would try to kill him and that was a headache inducing fiasco that he would like to avoid.

 

Lenalee giggled and while irritated, Kanda left her alone. She didn't laugh very much and he was sure that with Allen, him, and Lavi gone that it was even less than before. He wouldn’t begrudge her any happiness. He’s never admit it but he was enjoying himself too. It was like the trouble Alma used to drag him into at the Asia Branch. It felt good to finally be able to see instances of Alma in his present life without the pain, bitterness, and regret. It was still there but muted significantly thanks to Allen's actions. He couldn’t help but think that Alma would have loved Lenalee, as a person and as a sibling, like he did.

 

She directed him around a corner by turning his head and exclaiming, “This way, Kanda.”

  
“Stop that,” he hissed and then sniffed as Lenalee tugged a strand of hair in retaliation. They paused to hide behind a pillar as an Order member passed by.. He desperately hoped that Komui hadn’t built a new Komurin.

 

He tilted his head up as much as he could and asked wearily, “Should you be doing this in your skirt?”

 

She hummed and thought about it as the  Order members footsteps faded away. Kanda felt her shift as she tried to look down her back. “Eh… probably not,” she finally said. “Just don’t get us caught.”

 

“Don’t get us caught she says,” Kanda grumbled starting back towards his room. Lenalee settled bonelessly on his head again and giggled at his grumpiness.

 

They made it back to his room without any incidents and Kanda resisted the urge to sigh in relief. Lenalee had perked up at the sight of his door and Kanda managed to get the door open. She hastily ducked to dodge the doorjamb and Kanda chuckled when she squeaked in alarm.

 

“That's what you get for using me as a pack mule.”  


She ignored his comment and slithered off his back, chirping “Thanks, Kanda.”

 

Kanda grunted in response and began shrugging off his exorcist coat, watching her prattle about his room. She lingered for an uncomfortably long time in front of Timcanpy’s remains. He did not want to tell her about the golem tonight. She finally moved on to ransack his closet.

 

While she searched his closet for any of Tiedoll’s new paintings he unclipped Mugen, laying it on the table, and slipped his boots off. “This ones nice, Kanda. You should put it up.” Kanda gave her a pointed look and she grinned sheepishly in response. He tugged his hair out of his high ponytail as she returned the painting and moved to look out the window.

 

“Aren’t you going to go back to your room?” he asked moving to go sprawl across his bed and stare up at the ceiling.

 

“Nah. I’m okay here.” Kanda let out a sigh at her words and brought his right arm over his head to rest on the pillow.

 

She left her spot at the window and dropped her jacket and shoes next Kanda’s. The innocence around her ankles clacked softly as she walked and flopped backwards on to the bed next to Kanda, jostling him with the impact. Her arm bounced up into his face and Kanda cursed, shoving the offending appendage away.

 

She laughed, an apology stopping on her lips as Kanda rolled over to try and shove her off the bed. “Get off! Are you trying to get me killed, idiot?”

 

She stuck her tongue out at him , laughing as she beat his attempts to push her off the bed. He huffed in annoyance flopping over onto his back again. “Komui wouldn’t kill you. You’re practically my second brother. We don't murder family.”

 

“Tch. I am not your brother.” It wasn’t true but he didn't think that he deserved the title.

 

“Oh, Kanda…” She patted his arm and he watched her out of the corner of his eye. “You’re my brother, just like Komui, whether you like it or not, Quit being a grumpy pants.”

 

“I am not a grumpy pants.” He snapped poking her harshly in the side with his elbow.

 

“You are.” She trilled while laughing, sprawled limbs relaxing into the mattress. Kanda slowly exhaled next to her and she added, “I’m really glad you’re home. Even when if you’re being a grumpy pants.”

 

Kanda frowned at the ceiling in silence and Lenalee’s admission trailed off into it. What was he supposed to say to that. He would never call the Order home, not after what they did to him and Alma and what they were doing to the moyashi. But home, he was coming to learn, didn’t always have to be a physical place.

 

“Tadaima. I’m home.” He said haltingly but with growing conviction. Because home was where Alma was, even if only in spirit. Where Lenalee laughed in happiness, where Lavi annoyed him to no end but always had his back, and with Allen smiling and arguing with food in hand. Home was all of them together and he would make sure that they all made it back safely.

 

“I know.” She said gratefully and her voice took a more somber tone, “I want Allen and Lavi to come home too.”

 

“Tch. They’re both idiots, but even idiots can find their way home.” Kanda scowled and then grudgingly declared, “and if they’re too stupid to do that i’ll go find and drag those two idiots back home myself.”

 

“You would. You’d stomp up to them scowling, swinging Mugen in their faces and they both would be scared.” Lenalee laughed feebly, tears pooling in her eyes. “But you’d be bringing them back to the Order. Why would you want to bring them here?” She sniffed and brought her arm up to scrub furiously at her tears. “They’re free of this horrible place.”

 

“You’re an idiot,” Kanda said rolling onto his side to face her. The anger and gruffness in his voice startled her and she turned towards him. “I wouldn’t bring them back to the Order. I’d bring them home-” Her eyes widened at his uncharacteristic words. “Not to Leverrier or to some stupid war…”

“I’d...I’d bring them home.” Kanda’s anger left him and he flopped onto his back again, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “Home to us, Lena. Not the Order.”

 

She stared at him silence, eyes wide with unshed tears. It was so unlike Kanda to admit something like that. To let go of all the anger he always seemed to cart around like an extra limb and to form attachments and let people close. He’d changed a lot over the last few months and here she was all teary eyed and mopping around. She was so angry and frustrated with herself for wallowing in her sorrows and self pity for so long because her world started crumbling around her. Kanda was working to fix it and she would too. She wasn’t some poor younger sister who always needed saving  from her older siblings. She could take care of herself and as she shifted on the bed to truly face Kanda, Dark Boots clacked around her ankles in affirmation.

 

“I’ll help,” Kanda looked at her questioningly. Her declaration had come out tepid, stiff, and unconvincing but she continued on. “I’ll help. I don’t know what to do, but I am tired of sitting here at the Order doing nothing. I want to bring those idiots home too!”

 

Her fist collided with the mattress in a loud thump at the end of her speech and she glared at him, Daring him to doubt her sincerity and her conviction. Instead he smirked at her and said slyly, “It was about time you stopped being a whiny crybaby. Your face was starting to turn ugly from all of the crying.”

 

She stared at him incredulously for a moment, her face twisting in anger. “You… you just called me a crybaby.” she sputtered and Kanda just continued to smirk at her in smug satisfaction for getting back at her for calling him a grumpy pants.

 

“You’re an ass, Kanda!” she yelled and lunged at him. His eyes grew wide and he quickly rolled to the edge of the bed. He hadn't been expecting her to lunge at him for the comment and just barely escaped.

 

“You called me a crybaby.”

 

“So? It was true.” Kanda sat up, eyeing her warily. “If i’m a grumpy pants then you’re a crybaby.”

 

She glared at him for a moment longer and then giggled. “You just admitted to being a grumpy pants.” Her giggles turned into uncontrollable laughter and she fell sideways back onto the bed.

 

Kanda scowled at her and then said slyly, “You admitted it too.” She stuck her tongue out at him and continued laughing while Kanda let out a small chuckle.

 

They both basked in the happiness of the moment. Not everyone was home yet but they would make sure that they made it. He’d come back because he realized that he had a family and a home he wanted to protect. It wasn’t perfect but it was home and in this happy moment it was like he could feel Alma there with them too. Happy that he was finally living for his future and not the regrets and ghosts in his past.

 

“Let’s bring those idiots home, Lena.”

 

“Yep. I miss the bottomless pit and the know it all.” she laughed at her names for them.

 

“Really?” Kanda scowled. The names were getting old and stupid now.

 

“Well, we can't all be the whiny crybaby or Mr. Grumpy Pants.” Lenalee said cheekily and scrambled out of the way of Kanda’s playful punch.

 

“You are a horrible, annoying person, Lena. Get the fuck out of my room before I grab Mugen.”

 

She slid off the bed and pranced towards her shoes and jacket. “You wouldn't hurt your sister.’

 

“Try me.“ She laughed and he watched her move towards the door.

 

“Thanks for tonight, Kanda.” She swung the door open and paused for a moment. “Good night, brother.” He scowled at her but never got a chance to retort back. “You know you’ll get ugly if you keep scowling like that.” She add as a parting shot over her shoulder as she left. She took a quick look behind her to see Kanda desperately trying not to scowl or frown at her parting words and laughed.

  
He could hear her laughter echo off the hallway as she returned to her room and sighed. He was happy to hear her laughing again, even if it was at his expense.He was glad to be home and would do anything to bring the two idiots back home too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry that the chapter is late. I really like how this chapter turned out. I love Kanda and Lenalee acting as siblings. Like always I tried really hard to make their actions and responses seem realistic and believable for their personality and character. Please let me know if there are any terrible errors and please let me know if you enjoyed it.  
> I am going to try and have the last bonus chapter out by christmas. I need to think up some ideas for it and I also have another project to work on. I told my fears to take a hike and signed up for the DGM Secret Santa on tumblr. I'm excited because now I get to write an amazing fic for someone as a gift, but i'm also nervous about my writing and for it to turn out good. My writing process is rather long. First I have to think up a basic idea and then just sit on it for awhile. Mulling over every little detail. I practically write the story in my head and then have to transcribe it. From there I hand write everything in this small, chicken scratch combination of print and cursive, that even I can’t read at points. I should post a photo on my tumblr, @startail13. Kudos to me for having a good memory because I remember what I write...mostly. I then go type it, because i can't just type the story from the beginning. It doesn't flow right. So this is what I have in store for my next project and the last chapter of this story. So wish me luck and let me not procrastinate. I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone. This is the first story for the DGM Hallow countdown and I hope that everyone enjoyed it. I don’t think it came out as great as I imagined it but I hope to do great things with the coming prompts. The rest of the stories for the countdown might be late but they will be posted.


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